I work a full-time day job, perform as a violinist, and help manage the bar in a popular music venue, The 443 Social Club and Lounge in Syracuse. I am the sole administrator of my life.
I am accustomed to sixteen-hour days. I am my own multiple-income household because I have to be. I insist on working this hard because it is key to my survival.
Prior to January of 2020, I hadn’t performed much in over 18 months, save some one-offs, due to a painful physiological condition. Finally feeling stable enough to perform regularly, I was excited to make up for lost time. I started 2020 with plans for three separate music projects to delve into and began to revive my business as a wedding violinist. When COVID arrived, all of my best-laid plans went awry.
By late spring of the shutdown, I was struggling mentally with what was happening. The aspect of becoming a performing musician was again delayed. The little eighty-eight seat venue I worked two to three shifts at weekly was shuttered. I returned deposits for wedding dates that wouldn’t happen. I was furloughed from my day job and worried it would become a lay-off.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt like my life as I knew it had ended. I began to isolate and withdraw from people. Some days I didn’t even get out of bed. I tuned in to watch my friends and favorites stream from their homes, but the experience was just not the same. My interactions with people often took a turn for the worse as I started to lash out if I responded to calls or messages at all. Life felt ugly, empty, and hopeless. It was the first time I had to reach out for assistance in managing my mental health, and it continues to be a tougher battle than I care to admit.
When I was called back to my day job, I had to quickly acclimate to a reduced income, as the additional $600 to my benefit was granting me close to what I customarily made between all jobs. The wedding industry faces reduced budgets at the moment. The bands I associated with either dissolved or took hiatus during the lockdown. Alternative hospitality positions are not plentiful, and there’s no assistance for full-time workers who moonlight in these industries. As a result, my continued anxiety is palpable as I cherry-pick which bills I am going to push off each month.
Music is a beautiful craft. When shared in a live setting it creates connection, incites imagination, and allows us to escape our troubles if only for a moment. And right now, many of us are troubled. These moments stick with us and make life just that much more bearable in an unbearable time, for performer and audience members alike. And now for the performers and support crew, we are supposed to play Jenga with our finances while lawmakers ignore our pleas. We’re begging for legislation to allow us to reopen venues and allow entertainers to perform in a safe manner to the public. My venue has already made all the necessary accommodations to provide a safe atmosphere, but we continue to be shut down by oppressive “clarifications” of state executive orders. Loosening up the chokehold on live entertainment is the first step in helping us, so many of us, lift a burdensome weight off our shoulders.
“You know what music is? God’s little reminder that there’s something else besides us in this universe; harmonic connection between all living beings, everywhere, even the stars.”
Allison Brown
Syracuse, NY